Sunday, January 4, 2009

Life

This post may not be one you want to read, it is just basically for me to try to clear my mind and get my feelings out there. Why is it every time you think you know you are making a decision that is best for everyone involved, you feel like crap? I have been married two times,I have been in nothing but "not so great" relationships. I have finally made a decision that I am do not want to live like I am living anymore. It isn't good for my daughters and it isn't good for me. I feel good about the decision that I have made 99% of the time. I am excited about it. It may involve things that I don't want to do, i.e. moving yet again, readjusting to a new place and schedule again....but I am for the most part excited. Relieved to be on my own, with just my girls and I. I could name off 50 reasons why I don't want to be in the relationship that I just ended and maybe 5 reasons to stay in it.....but I still feel like complete shit. I know I broke somebody's heart and I know that he thought he made me happy....and for that I am truly sorry.
For so long I have thought that I "needed" someone. I know now that I don't. I make decent money, I have my daughters, I have my family, I have a house over my head and a car to get me around....would companionship be nice? Sure it would...but why bother? Why does it always have to come with a price to pay? Why can't I get lucky and find someone like my dad...or my brother in law? Someone who doesn't have issues? Someone who has self respect and good family values? Someone who has already grown up? Someone who doesn't need to be taken care of?
If you are still reading....I am sorry. I just had to get some things off of my chest. I know I am making the right decision and I know that I need this alone time....I just don't like someone making me feel like a horrible person for something that I know I need and want.

I am going to go over to my friend Kim's on Thursday. Her son has left to go to Iraq and we are just going to have a vent and gab session and showing her some things about blogging...she may be sorry by the time I get done!! I think I really need it though! lol

On a lighter note. Friday I took the girls to see Bedtime Stories...good movie, I love Adam Sandler...and even more so since he is a father. Then the girls had mall gift cards from Christmas that were burning holes in their pockets. So they, well I should say the youngest, "Drama Queen", spent hers all up. The oldest, "Teenager Attitude", didn't spend a dime of hers. Picked things up, put them down....at least she got her father's thrifty spending habit....the youngest on the other hand I am afraid will be like her mother with money....loves to spend, although I will say, she is a bargain hunter looking to see how she can get more for her money.






This is her with a couple of her purchases...she loves glasses, so she got a fake pair









she also bought a couple of books and some toe rings and slippers....she was sad after she spent it all......isn't that the way it always is?

17 comments:

lori said...

okay,the shopping first...love the glasses girl! work it!

onto the heavy stuff: you need the timealone and it willdo you good! the time in my life i learned the most about myself was when finally lived alone...hard to ignore yourself and needs when you are the only one!
hang in there!
love and miss ya!

lesley said...

i know u feel bad a/b hurting him, but he will get over it...you have seemed happier in the last week then you have in months...he just needs to leave, i think you will feel better after that!!!

Love ya!

Yaya said...

She's so cute! Lol!

I think you a strong woman and doing the right thing for you and your girls. It's a very noble person who can look outside themselves to see what would be the best decision for their children.
You can do this.

lesley said...

oh yeah, and Macy looks so cute!!!

Cammie said...

only you know what you can do in your life for you and your kids....I hope you get what you need!!

Jen Sue Wild said...

Great post!
I love your honesty.
I love that you are getting healthy and finding out that you are worth having someone that loves you and wants grow with you.

I don't know you but you definitely sound like someone I could be friends with because you are real!!

kimber p said...

Angie.I love ya girl, you know that.. you and I are seriously going to have a good time Thursday, it'll be a re-charging for our mental status and I promise you that I'm needing this as much as you are..lol
Don't ever be sorry for laying your burdens at a friend's feet.. :)

Mrs. S said...

We all have to make decisions in our lives, but we have to do it for us, what is good for us, for our families. And sometimes they are painful, but that doesnt make them any less right.

The girls sound like my sister and I! Love her style!!

The Wife O Riley said...

You can't possibly make anyone else happy if you aren't happy yourself.

It takes a strong beautiful woman to look at a situation and make a decision like the one you did. So many other woman would make the opposite decision just so they don't have to be alone.

We love you and support you.

I love that your daughter got fake glasses! I only wear my real glasses when they enhance my outfit, so I totally get it!

mom said...

Angie , you know how I feel about being with someone for all the wrong reasons and I hope you are going to stick to your resolution--your dad and I are always here (you know that by now) and we can hang out more..when you get lonely when the girls arn't there. I think the girls are happier than they have been for a long time and I think you will be much happier too. I love you, mom..you are alot stronger than you think you are!!

CaJoh said...

Just know that you also have family and friends who can support you during this trying time.

Take all the time you need— we'll still be here when you return.

tara @ kidz said...

I'm so sorry you're going through these dramatic changes right now. I hope everything works out best for everyone involved. Best wishes.

Kristin said...

This is your blog and you should never apologize for venting in it. That is what it (and we) are here for. Hope that you can find peace with your decision.

Keeper of the Skies Wife said...

Girl we are all here for you to vent on...we support you 100%!!

Sometimes in life it is best just to be alone. Enjoy your girls and not worry about relationships!

Love the fake glasses....cracked me up!

Kori said...

I mean how extremely cute is she? Such a cutie.

Angie you do what is good for you and those girls. I will continue to keep ya'll in my prayers. It will all work out, you'll see.

Call Me Cate said...

Hang in there, Angie. Life isn't always easy and sometimes taking care of ourselves involves tough choices. And then adding your girls into the mix - it's not a simple situation.

Be strong, be good, be taking care of you and yours. And if you can't unload in your blog occasionally, what good is it?

JANE said...

Love the pics!! She is so cute!

And girl, you just do what you know is right for you and the girls! It is hard when someone else is hurt, but in the long run it is the best for everyone!!
Stay strong!