Sunday, February 22, 2009

Question and Advice appreciated

My daughter, the 14 year old has/had a Facebook account. A couple of months ago she wrote some not so good feeling about her step mom on there. She was made to take them off and her Facebook account has been monitored ever since. Here and there she will make up some stupid little status saying but other than that nothing. She then got grounded by me from her phone and Facebook for getting a D+ on Gym...that was a whole other post. She has been grounded for 3 weeks from it. Tried to access it once here at my house and I changed the password. Evidently when she was at her dad's this past week her step mother says that she tried to access it again on Thursday. Without telling anyone her step mom deactivated her account. Emily's grounding was up tonight and when i tried to log her on, since she didn't know the password, we couldn't get on. THAT was when I found out what the step mother had done. She "assumed" that all Emily would have to do is reactivate by email...NO it wipes the whole thing out.
So now her dad and i are arguing because I feel since I am the one that imposed this grounding, the step mom should have taken it up with me before deactivating the account. I feel she overstepped her boundaries.....what do you think? I now have a bawling 14 year old here, she had a ton of pictures and pictures that she created, friends and alot of "meaningful" things to a 14 year old on here. Needless to say I AM PISSED. This isn't the first time this step mom has overstepped her boundaries, but of course her husband, my ex husband only sees her side of it!

25 comments:

Funny in my mind said...

I know it is a pain in the ass but she will have it up and running again in no time. My almost 14 year old son just started his last week and has 77 friends and tons of pictures. I would be totally pissed at the Step-Monster. That is uncalled-for. Tell her to butt out of your childs life unless she checks with you first.

Becky said...

I would be pissed, too. I don't think she has the right to make that kind of decision without talking it over with you first.

sandy said...

She needs to learn how to work with you as a team. If not, she will never get the respect of your daughter!

Debbie Y. said...

Maybe some of the one of a kind photos were tagged by someone else on Facebook and she could possibly get them from them, if that is possible.

To answer your question, the Step-mom certainly overstepped, but what did you think your ex would do, of course he has to side with his wife. Don't you just hate it when they do that. It was not her place to deactivate your daughter's Facebook account. She could have kept her from getting on it for an indefinite amount of time if you, her father, and her so chose to do so, but at the end of your grounding period, she should have been able to have her Facebook. That sucks.

When my daughter's step-mom pushed her down a couple of steps when her arms were full of boxes because she was irritated at something my daughter did, I almost blew a gasket, but I had to hold it in and let my daughter and her father work it out. Needless to say the next time something like that happens I won't be so nice and I am loaded for bear.

lori said...

what is her problem? she just have to be invloved in thigs that don't even involve her?

she'll have 2million friends in no time, but it still doesn't make up for the fact that her step momis a miserable excuse for a step mom!

and if there is amy chance she MIGHT read this, grow up!

R Susanna said...

I'm with every one else. Step mom should never have done that. Good luck.

lesley said...

i hope she does read this b/c she will then know iwe think she looks a cross between the hunchback of notre dame and an oompa loompa!!

Grand Pooba said...

Oh I would be so pissed too! I agree, she over stepped her boundaries. Have you talked to her about it? Oh and one question, did she read the things that your daughter wrote about her on facebook? Is that why she cancelled the account?

Young Momma said...

Did the step mom have the password?? If so, why??

I think she over stepped her bounds, waaaay to much. She is NOT mom. Sure, your daughter has to show respect and listen to her in her home, but this is out of line.

I hope you can figure out what to do about it - I have no idea what I'd do!

Hope your daughter feels better soon.

Cindy said...

I hope she can get her account up and going again.
Unfortunately, I think she has to be the one to work with her dad on this one. Step-mommy is so wrong, but you can't control her..

here's to clicky love!

kimber p said...

wow, that woman just never knows when to check herself, does she?

This might be a great lesson for Emily, because none of this would have transpired had she just followed your simple rules and not tried to go behind your back. There are consequences for every action and her decision to override your punishment and over step YOUR boundary resulted in the the stepmother overstepping her own boundary. Pretty much everything that happened is because of a decision Emily made....
(please don't be pissed at me, if this happened to one of my boys, this is exactly how I would have presented it to them..taking responsibility for our decisions and the outcomes)

Cammie said...

I would be SO pissed. ohhhhh, so pissed.....

April said...

Oh, no, I would be very upset, as well. I think her step mom did overstep her boundaries. You're right, she should have taken it up with you FIRST, rather than jumping the gun like that. Hope things get worked out soon!

Kristin said...

The step mom completely over step her boundaries and I would let her know that she did. She needed to have cleared that with you ahead of time. I have a hard time with step parents doing discipline at all. I think it should be left up to the parents. I guess that there are circumstances where the step parents are better then the parents but this is NOT one of those cases.

Julie said...

Oh gosh...that's tough. I have no cajones and couldn't do it, but it would be good if you could talk to her (the stepmom) about boundaries in the future. Like if you are going to do anything drastic...check with me please!!
Anyway...coming by to show clicky love.

andy said...

I don't know why the deactivation would delete everything unless the step mom deleted stuff before she deactivated.

I have deactivated my Facebook at least FOUR times. And every time, they send you a reactivation email with a link and when you click on it everything pops back up as you left it.

So maybe there is something more there to the story.

I hate dealing with ex's and their partner's. And it sucks that our kids do also. You have my empathy. Hang in there...things could be a lot worse, right?

The Wife O Riley said...

She was wrong. You were obviously handling the situation and she shouldn't have done that. She or your Ex should have discussed it with you first.

nikkicrumpet said...

UGH it is so hard to work around blended families and try to all work together. It sounds like she could have been decent enough to let you know what she was going to do. A little communication would have been a very good thing. It sounds like she isn't a considerate person. What a pain.

jsprik said...

that was way over her bounds!! i have to say that i would be pissed too!! never should have happened!!

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